Some people think about even the simplest things in life. Most people don’t… particularly fast food workers. I present to you, then: How to Give People Change.

1.

Coins first.

Some of us don’t just shove everything into our pocket in a wad. Change in the palm is easy to hang onto in preparation for…

2.

Bills second.

You know what a wallet is, right? It’s what people put their bills in. There’s a special pocket made just for the bills, and the coins don’t belong there.

3.

Receipt optional.

Somewhere, there’s a person who keeps all his $2 McDonald’s receipts for his taxes. I have yet to meet him. Unless you’re one of the few (but awesome!) places that puts a garbage can right after the window, you’re just giving me a mess for my car. Put it in the bag, you say? Now it’s in the way of my fries. Jesus.

4.

You're Doing It Wrong.

Show me the person who wants their change where it will slide all over and fall down the sides of their car. Really, what were you thinking? A fistful of garbage you can throw away. A fistful of bills, coins, and receipt you have to sort out… while people are waiting. (Or if you’re an idiot, while driving.)

5.

No. No No No No NO!

This is the awkward angle your drive through window forces on people with cars lower than your window. Those coins are going on the ground. You probably just sit there and smirk. A person has no control in this position and has to take extra time and care to pull their hand back in while doing some balancing act for your amusement.

Bonus Pro Tip!

Presidents don't 69.

An orderly wallet is a happy wallet!

I can hear the drive-thru workers saying: nobody’s ever complained to me before!

That’s right. Because we’re not dicks. It takes longer to complain than to just deal with it, and on the list of First World Problems this ranks pretty low. It is, however, constant and ubiquitous.

Hopefully this public service announcement has taught you some manners. You get timed on your throughput; instead of giving me the stinkeye for dealing with the mess you put in my hand, now you know how to avoid it!

Just imagine. If you put this much thought (read: the barest minimum) into everything you did at your job, you could probably get a better job.

Tune in next time for ‘How to Behave in a Grocery Store’!

Post filed under Instructions.

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